Christmases and birthdays stopped for me at an early age. The majority of my family resided in New York at the time and I was in Barbados with just my mom, grandma, cousin and grandpa (r.i.p) who were always working. I guess that’s why I like solitude. So when the holidays did roll around, it was more mom cooking a little extra than usual. Maybe we’d go to a Christmas party and I’d have to hang out with a bunch of kids I didn’t know, but there was tons of food. Even on the one off chance that the majority of my family did come to Barbados and we had a huge Christmas, it was all about the food.

Now that I’m older, I find that there is a more prevalent reasoning for my not truly getting into the holiday spirit. I get this strange sensation that most of my family believe I’m still that 10 year old boy that they took care of growing up. It tends to sneak up on me when someone makes a comment like” Oh I didn’t know you drink” or ” What do you know about the stock market?” Well, being that I’m young, college educated, and have enough understanding to tell myself that my folks official earned the right to stop supporting me the minute I turned 18, that might be the reason I decided I probably should be more self sufficient.

I want to experience a holiday where everyone seems to be on a level playing field, because no matter how old you are, or what you do, you’re still a kid to your family. Honestly, that can be a patronizing and condescending  feeling, and I’m quite sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.

I always wonder at what point does your family and older family friends recognize you as an adult. Marriage? Kids? Home owner?

Ironic situations come in all shapes and sizes, such as dying on your birthday. That’s irony. Making a bowl of cereal and having tons of forks but no spoons, writing a song about sitting on a dock of a bay, then having your plane crash into a dock of a bay. Being an accountant, but having horrible math skills, or spending all day looking for a lost $10 bill, only to find it and realize the book you want cost $15. That good advice that you probably should have taken but didn’t, until the very same scenario plays out. All irony.

Irony affects each and everyone of us. However, many of us don’t see it, until the last moment. Sometimes is happens so fast, and is so far out of control there is nothing we can do. Other times, we do it to ourselves. Even having someone explain just how ironic a situation is, it never registers until the very last moment. Some situations are mildly entertaining, and then some situations just make you wonder if people can really be that ignorant. Well, being that Ignorance, as defined by Wikipedia, is the state in which one lacks knowledge, is unaware of something OR chooses to subjectively ignore information, then yes people can be that ignorant. It’s worse when the person actively ignores information, because you really can’t feel that sympathetic to their situation.

For the few of us who can see some ironic situations as they occur, we can be considered blessed. We call that critical thinking A.K.A foresight. It can be pretty elusive sometimes.

This year alone has shown me some of the biggest ironic situations I have see in my few years of life. Or at least the years I remember. Some mildly amusing, some that I just can’t seem to stop shaking my head at. I’m actually not looking forward to seeing these play out.

Irony will always occur. There is no defense against it. There is only damage control. The amount necessary, well that depends on how bad the situation really is.

In my dream, I was hanging out with some friends in the city, when all of a sudden we are being attacked by the Predator. Yes the badass himself. I don’t even know WHY he’d attack us. Predators live by a code of conduit, they hunt the strong, not the weak. Not saying that I’m weak or anything, but I was certainly unarmed in this dream.

So the chase begins and person after person falls to the predator. I narrowly escape by climbing an oil rig. At first thought, I wondered why is an oil rig here in the city? Turns out at that point I was over a swamp. Which begs the question, how did I get there? In any case, I’m sitting on the oil rig, one leg dangling off, when the predator jumps up, mask off and proceeds to bite my leg a la Jaws. Took my Adidas sneaker with him.

Insert random stranger who begins to assists me to the hospital, my mind is now reeling, wondering if a predator bite is venomous( It isn’t). However, while walking away from the random oil rig, we ended up in Brooklyn,to what turned out to be a KKK summer block party BBQ. Walking around in full uniform, hoods and all,grilling up all kinds of delicacies.

At the sight of this spectacle, I woke up and pondered just what the heck was that all about. I have no idea. Maybe one of you guys do?

An example, I saw a couple once while I was heading out to enjoy NYC Nightlife, and  the lady was in a body-fitting, spaghetti strap black dress. Simple stunning. However, her date for the evening was in a “kiss me, I’m Irish” shirt, tattered jeans and a headband. Yes, a headband. Odd spectacle? you bet, but I can’t knock the guy, he’s with her. Or can I? The same can be said about the opposite of this, where the guy dresses to outshine his lady or when the lady dresses inappropriate in accordance to her date.

What happened to the days of complimenting each other? Guys use to dapper themselves up. I’m not saying you have to go out and start rocking double breasted, 3 button suits with a half-winsor tie knot and a pocket square, but with enough style and class that you compliment your lady. And vice versa( I told you ladies, you’re not escaping this one).  We should be complimenting each other. Not one upping them, or make it look like an awkward pairing.

Make the madness stop.

What causes nightmares anyways? According to the International Association for the Study of Dreams(IASD)(taken from the website)

There are a number of possibilities. Some nightmares can be caused by certain drugs or medications, or by rapid withdrawal from them, or by physical conditions such as illness and fever. The nightmares of early childhood likely reflect the struggle to learn to deal with normal childhood fears and problems. Many people experience nightmares after they have suffered a traumatic event, such as surgery, the loss of a loved one, an assault or a severe accident. The nightmares of combat veterans fall into this category. The content of these nightmares is typically directly related to the traumatic event and the nightmares often occur over and over. Other people experience nightmares when they are undergoing stress in their waking lives, such as difficulty or change on the job or with a loved one, moving, pregnancy, financial concerns, etc. Finally, some people experience frequent nightmares that seem unrelated to their waking lives. These people tend to be more creative, sensitive, trusting and emotional than average.

I know a few people that get nightmares. We all do. I probably know a few that have recurring nightmares. Yet when I hear them mention “I had a crazy dream last night,” I can’t help but wonder if its a mark of a turbulent period of their life, or if I’m the outcast and somehow, my worse fears will manifest in real life, as oppose to in my subconscious. I’d really like to understand dreams a bit more, but considering the numerous studies done, and various theories, It doesn’t seem like I’d be able to find a standard answer as dreams themselves can be interpreted in so many ways.

Perhaps I’ll never have nightmares. Maybe I am nightmare-free because I’m constantly re-evaluating myself and the path I’m choosing to take. It doesn’t really give it a chance to manifest as a nightmare if I’m already assessing everything in my conscious mind. I barely recall the good ones as is. In any case, it might not be a bad thing to not have nightmares. Perhaps I’m one of the lucky ones.

Growing up, there was a 50/50 split among them. Some people would say “oh you are just like your mom” or “You are definitely your father’s child” *sidebar* WTF is that suppose to mean anyways? what are you implying about my mother? Do you want me to CUT YOU??? *end sidebar* Later on, when my dad’s genes did a hostile takeover, that divide became an unanimous decision – You are just like your father….except, I’m really not. Well not totally. And the one person that readily points that out is…..my father. It’s kind of interesting. We constantly have discussions about our similarities and differences and are constantly amaze at where I fall. Unlike my older brother, who is completely like my father( and I mean to the T folks, bad traits and all), I fall somewhere in between my father’s pragmatism and my mother’s nurturing side. He’s very aloof, She’s gives too much of herself. And me, I’m both. Even in situations where I tend to try to reject on side of thinking, it quickly makes its presence now.

It’s quite amazing how two people on different sides of the spectrum came together. Well, they do have their similarities. Bullheadness. Yeah, I got that too.

I guess I’ll chalk to being a product of both worlds.

Seeing these statistics, every girl reading this would be saying “So why can’t I find a good man when they’re so many out there?” However, on a local level (NYC) the U.S Census Bureau did a survey in 2000, and gathered that out of the 8 million inhabitants living here, 52.6% are women compared to the 47.4% that are men. And that number is steadying rising. There have been many studies completed and they all come to one conclusion: Men die faster. Men are more prone to a host of other diseases than women. From childhood, to adulthood, we are dying faster. And that’s not when we’re killing ourselves or each other. Scientists estimate that by age 36, women outnumber men,with the exception of China and India. They have a whole different problem that will discussed in another blog….maybe.

It’s scary to think what would happen if this trend continues. Probably not in my lifetime, but in there lifetime of others there may very well be a time where men are a scarce commodity. With scientists developing methods to convert female egg cells into sperm, we probably won’t be needed. Or will we.

I’m beginning to think the creator of  Y: the Last Man might have been a bit prophetic.

The goatee – on some a mark of refinement, style and class. On others the mark of a total douchebag.  Yet somehow to those of an extremely religious nature – and Im talking die hard, borderline fanaticism here – it quite possibly could be the mark of the beast.

Have you ever notice that in illustrations of the dark one that depict him in a more human nature, he’s always the sly looking, very refined, very stylish gentleman type. The type you might enjoy conversation with in a lounge while sipping on a glass of ’87 Pinor Noir ( good year). However, there is always this one defining element that solidify his evil impression – his goatee. How can facial hair be so powerful that the very style can be the difference between being seen as classy, and downright evil. Let alone the suits, which always seemed to be tailored just right. I guess this is why we have an innate distrust for lawyers and politicians. I personally like suits. They’re swanky, and if I had a reason to wear them more often, I most certainly would( suspenders and all folks), but that might just put me in a position to be tackled and hosed down with holy water.

I personally don’t see myself wearing my beard in another fashion, besides growing it to a fu manchu. I mean, who wouldn’t want to to be able to throw their beard over their shoulder like Pei Mei from Kill Bill? No? Ok, back to the goatee. I find the goatee to frame my face rather nicely. I could very well try the all over, grizzly starving artist type beard, also aptly known to my circle as the “F@#k it” beard, but I don’t think it would suit me very well. I can even got the extreme and shave it off, and resort myself to looking like a 15 year old. Well I say Nay. I like my goatee. It’s become a part of my identity, and it doesn’t hurt that it garners attention with the ladies ( yes, you can play with my goatee). So if that makes me look like I’m potentially bargaining for the soul of the young lady I’m talking to( I’m not), then so be it.

So the next time you’re with your friends and you’ve been singled out, just remember- you might be rocking the mark of the beast.

Time truly is flying by.I recall when dudes called their girl “wifey,” now it’s literally their wife. It’s like you blink your eyes and you’re 30. That’s a scary way to think, but besides graduating college, the last significant thing I recall( well not the last, but lets keep this blog PG) was starting secondary school. I was 12. You see where I’m going with this. No? well let’s take this convo back to marriage.

I’ve always had this notion that marriage happens later in life. Not that late, but you’ve pretty much laid a nice sturdy foundation for the biggest adventure of your life. To me, 29-30 seems reasonable. If you don’t have a decent foundation for your life by 30, you probably should seek help. However it looks like this is no longer the case. More and more, we are making major life decisions earlier. I’m not knocking this. It is what it is. It just comes off as a bit of a shock at how fast the transformation happens. One minute you’re trading your bulbasaur for charmander, the next you’re writing mortgage checks.

So you’re wrong Madonna, Time does not move slowly. It’s speeding along and if you don’t get with it, it might pass you by like the pharcyde. Then again, it could just be me.

Oh and congrats to all my friends/acquaintances/associates and associates of associates that took or going to take that plunge.

Happiness, or should I say Bliss, is something giving to those out of touch with reality. And I don’t mean happiness as in ” Well my day wasn’t as bad as it could be.” I mean in the sense that you believe absolutely nothing is wrong. You fail to keep a healthy grasp on the real shape of life. In short, you delude yourself. You subscribe to this “Fake Happiness”, and that can be a dangerous thing. You know what they say, “ignorance is bliss.”

Now I don’t think he was saying human beings can’t be happy. We all are capable of being happy, and many of us are happy, because we understand that Life has checks and balances. It has highs and lows and there will be moments of conflict that once solved, allows you to move on to the next challenge.

Case in point. I consider myself a happy person. Despite obvious defects in my life, I stay pretty positive, and therefore, happy. Recently I had received a medical bill for 5 grand. 5 Grand. That shook my world. How am I possibly going to get 5 grand? I don’t even know what 5 grand looks like! Yet here it was, and I had to deal with it. Thankfully, whatever issue that caused my health insurance not to register was cleared, and thus I was cleared of that bill. Yet even though I had the large sum of debt over my head, I remained happy, because it could be worse. Sure it was bad, could be worse. And since the bill has been paid, Im happier than ever! WOOHOO!!

And that’s were I think this divide occurs. I remained happy throughout the ordeal because I was realistic. A highly idealistic person might have cracked under something less than that because it shattered their rose colored glasses, and once broke they never regain that “happiness.” Others utilize any means necessary to retain this “happiness,” but how happy can you be if what you perceive to be happiness is a fragile idea.

Coming to terms with life’s ups and down is something we all must do, even us who have this understanding. It’s a daily thing. Reality is tough, but to take hold of it is the most honest thing you can do for yourself. And honesty to one’s self is the beginning steps to really being happy.